Smells like fish

Hey, it's been some time since the last post, I know.  There hasn't been an hour-long period of inactivity in almost two weeks where I could sit down and hammer out more of this BS I call my blog.

I had a friend from back home, Sylvia, land recently.  We visited the COEX aquarium.  For $17 we were skeptical it would live up to its entrance fee, but it did!  (Although I wouldn't go back).

Piranha!! 

Saying hello.

Captain Smears.  That's not chocolate on the glass.

Nemo and Dora.

Photo op... taken

Shiny fish.  I was mesmerized.

This dude swam over the water tunnel.  Big mother, he is.

Shark vs. stingray race.  The stingray let him win.

While I love writing about the asian adventures I'm having... posting pictures to this website is like pulling teeth.  I have a lot of pictures to post, and oddly Facebook is the easiest method of doing it.  Hit up my Korea album on Fabo if you want to see the pics from the last few weeks.

I'm going to nurse myself back to health this afternoon to buy a camera today.  Wish me luck.

Just bring out the keg...

The InterContinental Hotel in Seoul had some big event, sporting
an all-you-can-eat buffet, complete with an all-you-can-drink bar.

We stocked up before the bar closed.

Plenty of wines, sangria, and of course, OB beer.
It tastes like water met barley, but they only shook hands.

• What a night.  I don't know the nature of the event, but for 20,000 KRW we were able to grab as many drinks of sangria, wine and beer as we wanted, and load up plates with calamari, blood sausage, pasta, cheeses, deli meats, salads, etc.
  
• We arrived at eight and I got my money's worth by about 8:04pm.
  
• Bittersweet night though, Zac and Maddie are counting down the days left in Korea.
  
• I plan to track down the details to the night and see if there's another anytime soon.  This was too good to be a one-time-only arrangement.

Showing off my apples in the Garden of Eden.

Just found out how much money my students are actually coming from today.  The topic came up when one of my youngin's mentioned she was awarded a prize for an English contest.  (Where is this contest and how can I enter?  I'd annihilate these kids.)  Needless to say, I tried correcting her decimal placement, etc.  No.  No.  Just no.  The kids banded together to share how much inhabits their bank accounts, not to gloat but to educate a clearly misguided Canadian teacher.  Let's just say that the last thing said was "you don't even have enough room for your decimal now".  Some of these kids are going to have a happy 19th.

I took a cultural leap of faith today.  The typical thing to do in a Korean changing room or bathhouse is just strip naked from the get-go.  All-skin-once-you're-in.  Koreans never got the shame or self-conscious memos from Adam and Eve.  Now, while I'm not overly timid to begin with, there's something to be said for going all-out in your birthday suit around fifty other guys celebrating their birthdays too.  But, like a true Roman, I took a gulp, gave myself a pinch to keep up appearances and dropped the fabric.  I didn't get the round of applause I was expecting, but I was content to hide in the corner and be the bashful white guy nobody noticed.

Or so I thought.

Turns out everybody wants to see what Canadians are equipped with.  I instantly felt like the generously-chested girl at a party, except the glances I got were far less subtle and a little bit lower.  Walking through the showers was like a military drill line.  As soon as I'd enter anyone's peripheral, it was "see the white guy, take a look".  Practically choreographed, and perfectly blatant.  I think one guy deserves a Nobel Prize in optics for his method of using five mirrors to negotiate two corners in the shower to take a peek.  Buddy was across the room and around the side, but there he was in the mirror-in-the-mirror-in-the-mirror (etc.), just GAZING at my second-best feature.  FML.

Actual size.

Happy Birthday, Nick

Hope it's a good one.

About to be busted for looking too good.

The Hamburglar learns English

• Some pretty funny shit has happened this week.  It's been a good couple days.  I hit Costco with some coworkers, and boy is that a mixed bag of feelings.  I mean, it *is* Costco... but it's just, WRONG.  It's not quite right.  There's still your red with white lettering signs hanging over the deli, you've got the middle aisles covered in clothing and books, you've got massive boxes of sixteen bottles of orange juice.  But the prices are WHACKED, the food is only marginally-recognizable, and ... yeah.  I'll probably still get a membership.
  
• One of my students cracked me up today.  A little eager kid, a little overweight maybe, and by Korean standards not North American.  We were discussing the concept of good and bad morality, about crime, mysteries, solving puzzles, etc.  The word "steal" came up, and I tend to be fairly animated when I explain things to my kids.  So I hypothesized about stealing one kid's eraser, and asked the class whether it was good or bad, "stealing is bad, teacher!" etc.  Then I pretended to steal a bunch of food from the imaginary grocery store, "stealing is bad, teacher!" etc.  Then... then I pretended to steal food from McDonalds.  Oh boy.  "TEACHER HOW??!!"  This kid screamed.  Wide-eyed and mouth open, he just had to know.  How do you knock off a burger at McD's.  "TEEEACHER HOW?!?"  I've never laughed so hard.
  
• Went exploring a certain neighbourhood yesterday.  One of my friends will be coming to Seoul shortly, and I wanted to take a peek around her area just to make sure I could help her get settled.  Coolest area, really.  Tons to do.  I hardly got to see the half of it.  And ritzy, too.  There's some money here.  It's the Rodeo Drive of Seoul, at least in the Gangnam region.
  
  
  

  

  You ever see a building you just knew you had to pee in?

• Found the Lotte building in Hanti.  This is the Tiffany's of shopping in my area.  Some really expensive stuff here.  The creepy part about this store though, is the staff.  They stand like soldiers, perfectly still except for a short bow as soon as a customer passes.  They all stand at their station, in perfect rows behind their counters, staring straight ahead.  No talking, moving, chewing, blinking.  Just, still.
  This is in complete contrast to the many small stalls littered around Seoul, where the clerks will ask you to wait a second before selling you their wares because their favourite TV show is almost over.  "Come back in ten minutes" is not uncommon.
  
• I'm going to drop a few airhorn blasts in the Lotte building sometime.  That'll be a riot.
  
• I also found the seedy underbelly of Gangam.  Redlight district, if I may.  Dozens of love motels, massage parlours with curtains,  and "barbers".  The last one makes me laugh.  Either these hairdressers have chosen a truly horrible place to open their businesses, or brothels are trying too hard to appear legit.  Either way, she butchered my hair.
  
  

  

  Hard to read, but the school's name is "Slow Reading School".
  You should probably enroll your kid somewhere else.

  

  Severance Hospital.
  I think I'd rather just walk it off.

  

  This place rules.  Logo looks like a star finally swallowed Mario instead.

  

  You don't get this stuff often at home.  This guy was three bucks.
  A slab of beef, though?  Eight dollars a pound.

  
  
  

Ole Ole Ole (Long post)

Barcelona FC vs. Korea League Allstars game. Here's the whole story.

My elevator is built for checking yourself out.

• Super-hot day today.  Walked outside and my body just said "Whoooaaaa fuck this..."  I needed a new shirt by the time I reached the curb.
  
• There's a Che Guevara-shaped sweat stain on my t-shirt.  Hmm.  Even my own body thinks I'm a poser.
  
• Getting to the stadium was a hike but I learned about the express subway line.  This baby skips 5 stations at a time.  This will make getting around so much easier.
  
• Stopped for a Burger King dinner before the game.  Wow, nice, they had my meal ready and waiting for me before I'd even ordered it!  How thoughtful.  And believe me, MMmmmm, it tasted just as awful as home.  What a treat.
  
• Hahaha the security guy at this bank building is a young twenty-something with a trendy haircut, in tight jeans and a hawaiian shirt.  His coiled earpiece cord dangling through his popped collar to his gun holstered in his pants, awfully close to his Miami Vices.  Hope the safety is on.
  
• There isn't a second to stop and look around when you're on a Seoul sidewalk.  Nobody honours the walk-on-the-right rule, so you're constantly dodging people in an angry battle for the sidewalk.  Might make a good movie.  "Bruce Willis in... The Pedestrian".  Mopeds will often try to squeeze through the crowd in a dangerous contempt for the road.  God knows why... it can't be faster.  The occasional truck will part the crowd like the Red Sea to deliver to the front of a busy store.
  
• Sweet jesus titty cinnamon it's pouring outside.  I was sweating a minute ago and now I can see street market lobsters jumping out of their tanks making a break for it.
  
• Pedestrians have opted for life preservers over their umbrellas.  That's a little foreboding.
  
• Water is just flowing down this avenue.  I'm waiting for the annual Asian Bodysurfing competition to start on this street.  I need an asian to stand on.
  
• Vehicles have tails behind them like jetskis.
  
• Alright I'm at the game.  World Cup Stadium is pretty big, but nothing to write home about.  Sort of like I'm writing home about it ... right ... now.
  
  
  
  
• 
  
• Messi isn't slated to start on the field but we all have a good feeling about seeing a few minutes from him.  He's dressed and on the bench.
  
• The stadium is barely one-third filled, lol.  This place was built for World-Cup sized crowds, not this.  Sad.
  
• 
  
• KLeague scores about ten seconds after I stopped recording my opening video (below).  It was a tough angle but I mean, these guys are Asian.  What can't they do with a little practice?
  
• Messi is stretching.  The cameras are on him more often than any player actually on the field.
  
• BFC tied it up.  Dirty fake and a cannon to the other corner.
  
• Messi is on!
  
• Wow, he's scored twice in ten minutes, and he's off again.  That's the last time I trash-talk him.  Came on, did his business, and left everyone laughing.  Much like when I took that one girl home.  :P
  
• More videos for you folks too good for pictures.
  

Agyrophobia

• God damn I hate riding the city buses here. I'm certain that the bus drivers in Seoul are the people that never passed the taxi driver's exam. They're the rejects of an already-bad driving school.
  
  
• Pumping the brakes, yeah, I know it works in certain situations. I really don't think the reverse logic translates to the accelerator.
  
  
• You can simply never let go on the bus. You'll be prone in no time. I caught a young heel-wearing girl (big surprise there) yesterday. Still have a D&G imprint on my chest from her purse. I pray it's not a knockoff, I really don't need a lead infection this week.
  
  
• The driving is jerky, all turns are ninety degrees (throws the wheel and reaches for the handbrake, I'm sure) and the gas pedal is like a counting horse. One stomp for slow, two for mid-speed, three stomps for fast. Driver grins like a fucking horse, too.
  
  
• If you ever wonder where all these people with dirt or gravel on their lips come from, I bet they just got off a long bus ride.
  
  
• Korean car enthusiasts don't understand the 0 to 60 metric for car performance. All Korean cars do that. Instantly.
  
  
• Lastly, I've figured out my three-point stance for safe bus riding. Two feet planted firmly on the ground, shoulder-width apart, and one hand raised just above the crowd; flipping off the driver.

In Livid Colour

As if I have a blog.

I learned to colour in between the lines.

• In case you hadn't noticed, I've added some pictures and videos to the blog, finally. I managed to find a usb cable downtown. Hopefully this adds some flair to this already ostentatious memoir.
  
  See, someone told me that Blackberry hadn't made it to Korea yet, and therefore usb cables that fit smart phones are impossible to find. I was skeptical, because this place has wireless internet in the butthole of the country, HD tv's in grocery stores and nine of ten preschoolers at our academy have more expensive cell phones than we teachers do. Can't find a usb cable, you say? Pffft.
  
  I visited Technomart. The clerk climbed a ladder to the attic, dusted off an old wooden box, cracked the lid and pulled out an ancient-looking, long-forgotten technology in Korea, known as the USB 2.0 cable. Then he laughed with his buddies over his Bluetooth Jawbone headset and played dominos with PC motherboards while watching his 3D television playing pirated movies that haven't even left the theatre yet.
  
  
• I promised I'd provide some proof about the whacky pricing of groceries here.
  
  
  These are ten dollar grapes.



This orange costs 3 and a half dollars.




Enjoy your eleven dollar watermelon.




Five apples? Sixteen dollars. Nineteen if you want green ones.


• This is me afraid to die.
  

• This video is for Nik.

Button Mashing

• Bought a cell phone the other day, but recently learned that there's practically no such thing as T9 predictive English texting in Korea. Either fork out wads of cash for a recently-imported iPhone 4G or live with multikey texting. I miss RIM like there's no tomorrow. Why didn't I unlock my Tour before I left???
  
  

Love Lockdown

• Hiked up to the North Seoul tower today. The tower's on a mountain, and our small group decided to forego the cable car and just hoof it. While I wouldn't call it a mistake, per se, I think we'd all agree that this was as good a decision as cyclical birth control.
  
  I don't know if you heard me counting but I did over a thousand.
  
  
• Think I shed a few pounds on the hike up here. It's hot, humid, and we were kinda racing. I pity anyone standing within ten feet of me.
  
  
• Took a few pics for the fans back home, overlooking the city. I can't upload them yet but hold your breath. Edit: here they is.
  
  
  
  
• 


• 




• I have mad respect for the Korean women who make the hike up this mountain staircase in heels. I shit you not. And there are dozens of them. Heels aren't a fashion accessory in Seoul, they're an indication of whether you think you're a hot woman. Continued:
  
  
• Korea, in many ways, is still in the 50's or 60's in terms of women's rights. Madmen looks like a documentary to these folks. PDA is everywhere, and I don't mean affection. This is public displays of abuse. It's not uncommon to see a backhand or two to the wife or kids if daddy doesn't sober up before being told bad news. I've heard stories of a few kids coming to school with shiners, but haven't witnessed any of this myself yet. I hope I never do.
  
  
• There's an out-of-date mural at the Seoul tower showing various heights of the world's towers. The CN is still listed as the tallest, and I puff my chest a little. Luckily the Burj Dubai hasn't been mentioned yet, and they won't be hearing it from me.
  
  
  
• 




• Here's a cute little factoid: (pictures to be added shortly) the whole perimeter of the lookout fencing at the tower is covered with hanging padlocks. Each has a date and a pair of lovers' names on it, symbolizing their committed affection at the top of the world. Cute, but the magic dies when you see the groundskeeper come along to sodomize their relationship with metal shears when he rids the "viewing" fence of these mementos. Apparently only certain sections of the fence are permitted, the others get the snip. Hopefully these kids were smart and took out pre-nups.
  
  
  
• Scoured the tower fence for my love lock section. Couldn't find the locks dedicated to me. Must be further up. I'm feeling robbed.
  
  
  
• Kanye West's "Love Lockdown" keeps playing in my head.
  
  
• I bought a cell phone today. I played the store owner like a fiddle, too. Got him to cover his display case with different models and accessories, opened every package and turned on each phone, discussed every single phone plan while I only intend to use pay as I go minutes, kept him from serving other customers ( a little greedy, but this is one of dozens of similar stores on the street), I showed eager interest, but then scoffed in his face and walked away when he mentioned the price. Sucker hollered after me, dropped the price and threw in a new battery and two months of free minutes. I doubt he made any money tonight.
  
  
• Finally, we'll be hiring a cleaning lady to do a once-over of the apartment before I switch rooms. But not just any cleaning lady, a Phillippino cleaning lady. Are Phillippinos internationally-recognized as the world's best cleaners? What the hell? Even KOREANS know who to call in for a maid. Unreal. We need more Lemon Pledge.
  
  

Lightweight Belt

Brokeback Mountain Anime
"I can't quit you"

• Sounds like I caused a little trouble at the bar last night. Typical me stuff, nothing malicious. Problem is I have little recollection of it. Again. As of this post I have decided to let up on the soju until I can get a grip on how this stuff hits me. Fucking lightweight.
  
  
  
  
• Went for my run this morning instead of going to the sunday afternoon pickup soccer. I had figured that since it's vacation week, nobody would show. Most are travelling. I was wrong, and missed a good game. Damn.
  
  
• On my run though, I passed under one of the bridges arching the creek, and it had a whole bunch of tents and people under it. One friendly Korean tried her best English to offer me an iced tea (I was bleeding sweat by this point). I asked what the event was, and it turned out to be free walk-by counselling. Seriously. "For the health," they explained. Only in Korea, sheesh. These counselors were offering free advice, and the clients were telling their life story to complete strangers. Both sound a lot like me after a few drinks.
  
  Also... there was a computer terminal under this bridge and a stereo system connected to it, with an LCD screen showing mental health documentaries. I asked where the internet was connected (we're in the middle of nowhere), and the lady just waves her hands around.
• 
  It was wifi. Korea has wifi under bridges, in the boonies, by a creek. FML.
  

Paint the Town

• Tonight is a going-away party for some of the teachers. I'm kind of bummed about it because one of the guys was sort of a mentor to me as I arrived. I'm more-or-less replacing this guy, so I've really gotten to know him well. He'll be missed.
  
  
• Gah, this experience in Korea is still kinda surreal. Most mornings I wake up expecting to be in Ontario.

Another year and still no regrets.

Happy birthday, Fox.

It's all coming together

• YUUUSSSSS. Played pickup soccer today. God DAMN it feels good to be back on the horse. I was a little lagged because I also ran 4k this morning, but I played to the point of absolute exhaustion. I have butterflies. This is a regular thing, so I'll be back next week. Giddy giddy giddy giddy
  
  
• Ran into a dude from Nashville. It was another one of those "oh hey, white guy" moments. This guy was special. Here's how the conversation went.
  
  -Me: "Hey man. What's up?"
  - Nash: "Howdy" (Seriously)
  -Me: "Where you from? Toronto here."
  -Nash: "I'm fram Nashville, Tannasee. Been hurr long?"
  -Me: "No man, landed last week. You?"
  -Nash: "Three weeks muhself. GITTIN' used to things though."
  **By this point he looks like he's milking it**
  -Me: "Alright, cool, man. Uh, this is my stop, so I'll see you later *eh*?" (I had to.)
  -Nash: (Big arm swing) "Y'alright then. Stay on yer horse."
  - ...
  -Me: "PFFFFFFFTT hahahahaha really? Really. That's a thing? Stay on your -- stay on your horse."
  -Nash: "What"
  -Me: "Oh come on. Okay fuck, igloos beavers hockey. Keep your puck on the ice."
  
  He forced a chuckle then found a seat on the train, half-waved, then looked straight ahead. If I ever see this hick again I'm gonna ramp it up even more.
  

Excuse me, can I borrow your Korean?

• Raining really hard all morning. Morning plans: fucked.
  
  
• I made it to Techno Mart, finally. The train ride here was gorgeous, it cuts across the Han river all lit up at night, which has dim lights following the entire length of the tree-lined shoreline-sidewalk. Where's my girl when I need her...
  
  
• I've got a laundry list of electronics to buy, but it's clear I'm gonna need to focus on this one item at a time. Techno Mart looks like about two hundred small electronics vendors got together and laid siege to the PWC building on Bay St. They set up their shops any way they can, and they all sell similar merchandise.
  
  
• The fact that these guys have similar stock means I can haggle them against each other. Ask me if I'm looking forward to this, just ask me. Haven't done any price-negotiating since my Miovision days.
  
  
• I'm looking for the best price on the FujiFilm F80, which runs $299 before tax in Canada. There's no way in hell I'd be able to compare models or discuss details without a Korean buddy here to interpret. I'm toying with asking that American down the aisle if I could recruit his Korean girlfriend for a minute...
  
  
• Haggled a half-dozen vendors down against each other. It's closing time, and so far I have offers starting at 400,000KRW to 340,000KRW. This is for the camera, HDMI cable, two 4GB 300kbps memory cards and a spare battery. Not shabby, considering there's no tax added. Works out to $309 CAD for the package. I'll be back next week to try to pin them even lower. This time next week I'll have my Korean bank account, so I will have the ability to wave cash in their faces to show them I'm serious. God I missed this.
  
  
• Omg short skirts.
  
  
• 
  

Blood, Sweat and Peers

• Tits it's hot. I've been in a constant state of mild-sweating since I picked up my luggage from Incheon International. It's not overly hot compared to Toronto temperatures when I left, but it's crazy humid here. I'm sweating away my heard-earned Canadian winter fat onto a puddle on the floor.
  
  
• Haven't been able to run in a few days on account of the grape-sized blisters I've conceded from the last few outings. I figured they were gone though, as I could walk normally this morning. This was until one of the little Korean preschoolers pointed out in decent English that my "pants are bleeding". As I correct the misguided student and tell him pants cannot bleed, I find myself eating my words when I look down at the Carrie-like scene unfolding at my feet. I need some new shoes.
  
  
• Downloading is super-fast here. Fire up uTorrent and it might take 5 minutes to nab a Blu-Ray version of a new release. Kai, I don't know if that speedtest is evidence of the true rate or not, but I'll try to grab a screen of my trackers next time I have a bunch going. The trick is to snap PrntScr before they all finish. :)
  
  
• Wow, this school is hard work. 11 hour days this week, and I'll be going in both weekend days. It'll calm down in a few weeks when the majority of my prep work is done. I love the challenge, though. Teaching career? Unlikely, but slowly becoming a possibility.
  
  
• You can't help but eat well here. Healthy-well. Food is as outrageously cheap as it is good for you. A meal to the point of satisfaction, not fullness, will run you under $5 CAD. We're talking vegetables and legumes, plenty of rice, sprouts, soup, light protein. It's the protein that's the adventure, though. Haven't had chicken since I've landed, but I think I've eaten every animal with more than four legs or tentacles.
  
  
  
  
• I gotta say, Seoul is not all that different from Toronto. There's been minimal culture shock, really. The language is different, sure, but you've still got your brand-name shopping, your Starbucks franchise chains everywhere (or the more popular Paris Baguette, presumably because nobody could find the "Stallbucks"), subway system, buses everywhere, similar make cars (around here there are hundreds of BMW and Benz, but this is Beverly Hills Seoul in my area). You've got your Gucci and CK clothes, short skirts (<-- this needs a full post sometime) and angry drivers, cabs, temperate weather, fastfood options among bank branches, billboards and ads everywhere, skyscrapers and strip malls, etc. Seoul is a lot like Toronto, but without as many asians.
• Meeting foreigners is a breeze. Several groups that I've introduced myself to mention the Woodstock bar that I visited two nights ago. Played a drinking game with a hottie from L.A. and then met a Virginian dancer there, so maybe there's some substance to this claim. If only I had a job where I made lots of money, had nothing better to spend it on, and had weekends free...
  
  I have some work to do this weekend, friends. Catch you on the sober side.

This Orderly Conduct

• F&*king hell. What a flustercuck of a morning. Arriving aliens need to visit the Seoul Office of Immigration within a month of landing, and my number was up today. I just knew something was amiss, though. No state-run activity in a foreign language is ever going to go off without a hitch, and this morning had more hitches than a low-income neighbourhood in Tennessee.
  
  
• You'd figure that a process involving largely foreign applicants, most of whom speak English, would be run by English-speaking personnel. Let's throw a wrench in there and just skip that irrelevant step, shall we, Seoul?
  
  
• Took a number, waited my 15mins. Approach the desk. After much Webster page-flipping and the most Random House conversation with the desk clerk, it becomes clear-ish that I need to visit floors 2 and 3 before I can come back downstairs. To take another goddamn number.
  
  
• Turns out I need original documents to apply for this form. Originals of my criminal check, originals of my passport, and my original degree. They'd keep them for a week. I wish I knew more Korean, because this was a glowing opportunity to use it. Roughly translated, I believe I said "Walk towards hell."
  
  
• So now I'm outside the main building in search of a satellite immigration office. It's pouring. I'm delivering some Korean paperwork that has my signature but which I have no idea of its meaning. I could be enlisting in the national reserves for all I know.
  
  
• After two more visits to the desk clerk (and just as many take-a-number waits) his broken English apologizes for making me run around unnecessarily when he should have seen the filled-out form at the bottom of the pile I handed him. Which is apparently what I've just spent my morning preparing for him. He laughs it off in typical Korean fashion and we both have a delightful afternoon. [This post edited for profanity.]
  
  
• Korean ATMs. Here's an adventure in international business. See, just as we've all become accustomed to seeing the Chinese characters top-right of our own Toronto ATMs for the purpose of changing the language, these ATMs have a glowing red "English" button. Upon pressing said button, three options are presented; foreign chequing, foreign savings, and foreign credit advance. Reasonable. What's not reasonable is how there is no longer ANY ENGLISH after this step. It's like the programmer just forgot. I have navigated four ATMs out of button-position alone, hoping that "Enter" and "Cancel" are in their proper positions, and that I didn't hit the "Donate" or "Empty it All" buttons by mistake. Scorched-Earth banking.
  
  
• Went for Japanese-American sushi for dinner. Food was good, reasonably priced, but the servings came in 8 small-sized rolls, one plate apiece. For anyone living in the tri-cities area, you'll understand when I say this is no Ye's. And I miss Ye's.

Shades of Grey

• Damn. Can't come to terms with how gorgeous some of these Korean women are. Don't get me wrong, it's not like all of them are flawless; there's a healthy population of Korean women you could rate on one hand. On a day-to-day basis though, I probably see two or three stunningly beautiful Koreans in my neighbourhood. Then again, there's a good chance I've just been bumping into the same woman every time. I can't tell yet.
  
  
• Got my Health Check and urine test done in a foreign country. It was nothing like my dreams.
  
  
• Odd procedure. No lid on the little SpongeBob dixie cup, no English instructions, just a nurse pointing to the men's room and an impatient glare. Although I did have some guy in the bathroom offer to hold it for me while I filled it. He meant the cup, right? He'd hold the cup?
  
  
• Just shared a dude-awkward moment with a Korean doctor. Of all the English he learned in medical school, I bet you any money that phrases like "is that an okay smell", "can you hold my piss cup", "I filled it to the line, do I get a sticker" and "sorry 'bout the spill" were not covered in his 101.
  
  
• No samurai sword wounds in the emergency ward. Don't worry, I checked. You would, too. Admit it.
  
  

Location, location, vocation

Posts won't be this frequent from here on, but there were a few items I thought needed mentioning.

07/09:

• Unbelievable. Just found my apartment and the location couldn't be better. 2 minutes from the school, 2 minutes from the subway station.
  
  


• Most impressive is this: some of you know I'm getting back into running (formerly "yogging") and guess what this guy found... behind my apartment is a creek. This creek has trails running on either side of it across Seoul. And these trails are not pavement, but rubber track. My face exploded from smile fury when I saw this. I'm hitting this baby hard tomorrow morning.
  
  


• 8pm - Sitting on my balcony looking at the Seoul North Tower across the Han River. Ask me Wednesday of last week whether I thought I'd be here right now. Kind of surreal.

07/10:

• Back in Hongdae, will try to retain consciousness this time. Got B-O drunk my first time.
  
  


• 3:30am at the bar, and who's watching the Germany game after all? This guy. Suck my crossbar, Suarez.

07/11:

• No idea what I just ate. I really hope it wasn't a domestic animal. Neat experience ordering food alone in a foreign language. Will know in an hour whether this was a good idea.
  
  
• Found a guitar store. Watch out.
  
  
• Gonna need to learn to sit cross-legged comfortably, and soon. The Korean that invented the table died before he could invent the chair. True story.
  
  


• The accepted alternative to standing is the "pop-a-squat". I give myself three weeks to catch a pic of a squatter in a compromising position that resembles a teabagging. Game on.

07/12:

• First day shadowing teachers in class. These kids have crazy energy. Someone should slip some soju in their lunch beverages, and we'd all have a quieter day. I jest.
  
  
• Settled into a decent routine. Did 4k down the creek this morning, came home to shower and change, then grabbed breakfast at the cafe on the corner. Made it to work 15mins early, too.